Bon Apetit, French Night in the Canteen
by pinkcat4569
Summary: It's time for another Canteen World Cuisine Theme Night.  Jess and Becker are a new couple.  France is the perfect country to go to.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Bon Appetit, French Night in the Canteen

Author: Pinkcat4569

Rating: T, innuendos.

Spoilers: Season 4

Description: It's time for another Canteen World Cuisine Theme Night. Jess and Becker are a new couple. France is the perfect country to go to.

Disclaimer: I don't own Primeval or the characters. Chef Bernie Rice is mine. I don't own the fashions, movies, books, songs, or recipes.

Author Notes Galore: I took French in school a lifetime ago and I'm extremely rusty. I'm sir my attempts to give Bernie the language are laughable.

I am a fashion victim, but I thought Jess, of all people, would feel a nod to French fashion was a necessity. I believe the fashion is correct, the queen's gown is opulent and a costume anyway, and I did watch a documentary on Coco Chanel not long ago. Forgive the mime inclusion.

I do not drink. Excuse the wines if they are paired with the wrong food. My excuse is the ARC staff, even Bernie, probably does not care.

The can-can is not faithfully recreated here. It is an interpretation, as I assume some dance demonstrations are.

Forgive the song selections. Again, I am not trying to educate or faithfully recreate France.

Words: 3915, split into parts

Bon Appetit, Part One

Jess and Becker sat cuddling in the canteen.

"How are you today?" asked Bernie, chef of the ARC.

"Fine," said Jess, giggling as Becker nibbled her ear. "Stop it."

"Hey, Bernie," said Becker.

"I suppose I didn't need to ask," he said, laughing.

"Aren't they disgusting?" asked Abby, coming into the canteen with Connor.

"Hello, Abigail," said Becker.

"He spoke!" cried Connor, "And you're not even Jess."

"Funny" said Becker.

"You are keeping pretty close to each other," said Bernie. "Miss Parker hasn't even asked me about another world cuisine theme night."

Jess smiled. "That's right! We haven't had one in ages," she said. "What do you think, honey?"

Connor smirked, and repeated, "honey."

"I think it's a lot of work for Bernie and the kitchen crew," said Becker, "and for you. You always have to decorate, sometimes hire entertainment, and plan a special outfit for yourself."

She looked at him. "You like my outfits."

He smiled. "I love your outfits," he whispered in her ear. Connor made gagging sounds. "Make sure its short."

She giggled. "OK, Bernie," she said, getting up. "Let's talk world cuisine. Ooh, I know what we should do," she said, looking at Becker. "Paris is the city of love, so let's do France."

Bernie smiled. "Magnifique et je pense que tu es toujours tres jolie."

Jess smiled. "Huh?"

Bernie chuckled. "I said, that I think you are always very pretty."

"Ah, Bernie, thank you." She gasped. "I have to buy a Parisian gown!"

"For dinner in the canteen, Jess?" asked Abby.

"Right, never mind," said Jess, sadly.

Connor smirked, "You could dress like they did in Moulin Rouge."

"I'll kill everybody in the canteen," said Becker.

"You've seen Moulin Rouge?" asked Abby.

Becker turned red. "No comment."

"He loved it!" cried Jess. "I swear he cried when Nicole Kidman died."

"I did not! I told you it was hay fever!"

Everyone in earshot laughed. "You're a dead woman, honey," said Becker, sinisterly, but with a sexy smirk.

Jess colored. "Can't wait. Actually, I have an idea, that's similar. I could get a can-can outfit."

Becker adopted a funny smirk. "I...think it has possibilities."

"And you could do the can-can, Abby and Emily can join you!" cried Connor.

"Not going to happen," said Abby, "and I'm pretty sure Emily would hurt you if you suggested it."

Becker's smirk got wider. "I'm liking this idea, but isn't that what they wore in Moulin Rouge, anyway?"

"You did like that movie!" cried Jess.

"I did not!"

Connor laughed. "Can-can girls were dancers, right? And the girls in Moulin Rouge were...more."

Jess giggled. "Yes, they were more. I'm just dancing. Promise."

"I know, and I'm fine with it," said Becker.

"Really?" asked Abby. "What about all the other men who'll see her dance?"

"Oh, they'll all be dead, well entertained, but dead.."

"Or at least blasted with EMDs," said Connor, as Becker nodded. "Jess, you should do the can-can."

"I agree with Connor," said Becker.

"Yes, I should," said Jess. "It's agreed."

Becker smiled, and kissed her head. "I can't wait. Right after lunch I'm going to recharge all the EMDs and make sure I have several handy on French night."

"Le soir Francais," said Bernie.

"Huh?" asked Jess.

"Let's talk menu," said Connor. "French toast and French fries don't really go together."

"They aren't really French, Connor," said Abby.

"Pay attention, Bernie," said Jess. "We must have chocolate truffles, and lots of them."

"I could do an exquisite chocolate mouse as well, and perhaps an authentic la glace."

Jess frowned. "I want to eat French, not speak it. I can't understand you."

Bernie chuckled. "I apologize. Glace is French ice cream."

Jess squealed.

"Ow, I've asked you to warn me before you do that," said Becker.

"Sorry," she said, kissing his ear.

"Never mind," he said with a wide grin.

"France has lots of bubbly, doesn't it?" asked Jess.

"Bubbly? Why are talking about alcohol, Miss Parker, and where is it?" asked Lester, looking behind the counter.

"Where did you come from?" asked Abby.

"You know Lester, you mention booze and he pops up," said Connor.

"We were discussing French Night,' said Jess.

"Ooh...la...la," said Lester. "I like that idea. We need Bordeaux, Burgundy, Merlot, Sauvignon and of course Champagne. Get on it Rice, Parker."

"Yes, sir," said Chef Bernard Rice. "I'll handle the wines Miss Parker. You can concentrate on the decorations."

"Yay!" Jess was very excited. "We need lots of grapevines, and empty wine bottles, maybe some old rustic carts and bushels. I'll have maintenance work up a mini Eiffel Tour and Arc de Triumph."

"I thought you didn't speak French?" asked Bernie, with a wink.

"This is going to be smashing!" cried Jess.

Becker smiled. "Let's talk about your outfit."

"Oh, yes! It's got to be short and sexy..."

"Yeah," said Becker, smirking, "and I get to preview it, a lot."

Jess giggled. "You can come shopping with me."

Becker groaned. "Never mind, I trust you."

Abby and Jess talked about shopping and fashion. The boys left, quickly.

Jess giggled. "That was easy. Just threaten him with shopping."

Abby laughed. "Works every time."

End of Part One


	2. Chapter 2

Part Two, Bon Apetit

Jess draped fake grapevines every where in the canteen. She had twinkling little white lights, candles on the counter and tables, and larger lights hung on the walls. She wanted lots of lights. She often heard people call Paris the "city of light." She hoped to see the city some day beautifully lit at night.

The maintenance team brought in a small Eiffel Tour and Arc de Triumph. Jess had found an old vegetable cart in a neighbor's back yard, and borrowed it. She draped grapevines and leaves over it. She put wine bottles, some holding candles, everywhere. She draped red, white, and blue tablecloths over the tables, and carried the colors onto the walls by hanging French flags.

Finally, she put mannequins in the corners. One was dressed as a mime. A smaller mannequin, child-size, wore a blue two-layered coat like "Madeleine," the title character in the classic childrens' books.

In stark contrast, another mannequin wore an elaborate rich maroon gown decorated with beads, bows, and ribbons, evoking Marie Antoinette. Jess' favorite display was a 'little black dress,' made famous by Coco Chanel.

"Is this a canteen or a fashion show?" asked Becker.

Jess smiled. "Both. I cannot do a French theme night without a nod to French fashion. I can't do it. I won't do it," said Jess, deadly serious.

Becker smiled. "Relax. It looks nice, and it is very appropriate."

"Thank you. I hope you don't mind but I asked a few of your security force to keep an eye on these. I need them back in my closet."

Becker raised an eyebrow. "You're small, Jess, but not even you can fit into the little girl coat."

She smiled. "I forgot that one. I borrowed it from my cousin. Her daughter will kill me if I don't bring it back."

"How about the queen's dress? It's kind of long for you."

"Yes, it is. I volunteered in a historic reenactment and they would not let me wear a short gown. Believe me, I tried. That baby is expensive. Your security better protect that one or they'll be getting random text messages in the middle of the night!"

Becker smiled. "Where's the can-can outfit?"

Jess smirked. "No one sees it til I'm ready."

Becker smiled. "Not even me?" He put his arms around her and pulled her to him.

Not even you," she said, putting her arms around his neck. They kissed passionately.

"The city of love strikes again," said Bernie. "It broke my heart more than once."

Jess dropped out of Becker's arms. "That's so sad."

Bernie laughed. "Their loss," he said. "Dinner is almost ready."

"Good, people should start arriving soon."

"I thought I'd have my people set out cheeses and bread, fresh baked, naturally, and also different wines," said Bernie.

"How are we going to keep people from getting too drunk?" asked Becker.

"I was thinking I'd post people to pour the wine, and sort of take charge of them. Perhaps some of your friends and colleagues could help?"

"Excellent idea," said Jess.

When people began arriving, Jess grabbed her friend Suni, who was not a drinker, and she served a Bordeaux. Becker asked Lt. Flowers to take care of the champagne, but Lester threatened to fire both of them, so Lester poured (and drank) the champagnes while Flowers passed out Merlot.

Besides several French cheeses, bread, fresh fruit, and some simple sweet cakes to go with the sweeter, dessert wines, Bernie also set out foie gras, escargot, oysters, and frog legs.

"Escargot?" asked Connor. "I'm not brave enough to eat snails."

"Snails cooked with garlic and butter," said Abby.

"Yeah, big difference," said Becker. "I'm with Connor."

"Don't be sissies," said Jess, picking up a shell and scooping the escargot into her mouth.

Both Connor and Becker gagged.

"I'm impressed," said Abby. Jess offered her one. "No thanks. I can't. I'm an animal lover."

"Yeah, and you eat chicken and pork," said Becker.

"Shut it," said Abby.

"If you're so brave, Jess, how about a frog leg?" asked Connor.

"No. I refuse to eat something I've dissected in school," said Jess.

"Foie Gras: duck or goose liver," said Connor, reading from his mobile. "What is it with the French? Duck livers, frog's legs and snails, really? Don't they eat anything that can't be found in your neighbor's backyard?"

"Your neighbor has ducks?" asked Matt, strolling in with Emily.

"Yes, actually."

"They're adorable," said Jess, "and I'd hurt anyone who tried to eat their cute little livers."

"I'm losing my appetite," said Becker. "I'll stick to the cheese and bread."

Emily tried all the appetizers. "I've eaten far worse, believe me."

Matt smiled. "Me too. The little hopper legs are tasty."

"Yuck," said Connor.

"Oh, dear not a word I like to hear," said Chef Bernie.

"Sorry," said Connor.

"French cuisine is not for everyone. The appetizers are daring, but for the entrees, we have toned it down and gone classic. May I present you with roasted duck?"

There were oohs and awes. The duck was golden and beautiful, served with roasted potatoes.

"I also have prepared a spinach souffle, smoked salmon, and coq au vin, which is rooster cooked in wine.' I have used chicken."

"Thank you, Bernie," said Connor, toasting him with his wine glass.

"I thought chicken might go better."

Becker and Connor nodded.

"Bon Appetit, which literally means 'good appetite,' but save room for dessert."

Jess hopped up and down. "Tell us what it is! Tell us what it is, Bernie!"

Becker grabbed her. "Easy, Jess. You better tell her, Bernie, before she has a fit."

Bernie laughed. "Chocolate..."

"Yay!"

"I do not believe he was finished speaking," said Emily.

"Oh, sorry," said Jess.

Bernie chuckled. "Chocolate truffles, on request from Miss Parker, also a chocolate mousse, a chocolate souffle, eclairs filled with chocolate ganache, and for those who are not overly fond of chocolate..."

"Philistines!"

"Jess, if you don't calm down I'm taking you home," scolded Becker.

"Ooh..." teased Connor.

"I apologize, Bernie, everyone," said Jess. "Please continue, Bernie."

He smiled. "I also have cinnamon orange crepes with fresh, homemade ice cream..."

"Called glace in French."

"Thank you Miss Parker."

"You're welcome Bernie."

"And also a vanilla and espresso souffle."

"Yum!" cried Jess.

"I agree," said Abby. "It all sounds delicious."

"Since France is also renown for their coffees, we will be sampling several with dessert."

"Let's eat!" cried Matt.

"I know you are worried that I will overdose on chocolate, sweetie," said Jess, "so witness me eating the coq au vin."

"I see," said Becker. "I'm proud of you, but still, I know you are are going to overindulge."

"Of course I am," she said happily. She leaned in close. "You know, some people think chocolate makes you...sexy. You may be very happy with my chocolate indulgence later tonight."

Becker smiled. "You might be happy with all the oyster appetizers I ate as well." He smirked.

Jess blushed and giggled.

"What are you two giggling about?" asked Matt.

"Nothing," said Becker.

"Why is Jess turning as red as a tomato, then?" asked Abby.

"No reason," said Becker. "She's just happy."

"Uh-huh," said all four of their companions.

"I just realized," said Emily. "Lester is not present."

"Oh, no. He's probably passed out behind the counter," said Jess.

"I am not," said Lester, walking out from the kitchen carrying a silver platter. "Be nice, or I will not share this very expensive, succulent French delight."

"Another main course?" asked Matt.

"Yes, we have to pass these out sparingly. They are extremely expensive. I get most of it, you understand."

"What on earth is it?" asked Emily.

Lester smiled and removed the silver lid.

Everyone oohed and awed. On the platter were several beautifully cooked lobsters. Lester portioned them out to all, giving himself significantly more. Bernie and his sous chefs brought out a few more platters, again, carefully doling them out.

"Oh, my dear lord, shoot me now and let me die in ecstasy," said Lester, as he chewed the succulent lobster. Then he washed it down with champagne.

"While champagne pairs wonderfully with lobster, I'd suggest a chardonnay or a nice white sauvignon."

"Forgive me, Chef. I will drink only champagne tonight."

Bernie chuckled and shook his head. "As you wish, sir.

Jess giggled as she tried the lobster. "It's delicious, Bernie," she said.

"Thank you, Miss Parker."

"How does it compare with chocolate?" asked Becker.

"It's almost equal to it," she said, "almost."

Becker laughed and sipped champagne.

"Miss Parker," asked Bernie, "Please let me know when you are ready for us to start clean-up, and preparation for the entertainment."

"I will, thank you."

End of Part Two


	3. Chapter 3

Part Three, Bon Apetit, Conclusion

Connor smiled. "Can-can. Can you believe it? Can you wait? I can't."

Becker rolled his eyes, and Abby smacked Connor lightly.

"I think you will all enjoy it," said Jess. "Matt, did you do that favor for me?"

Matt smiled. "All EMDs present and accounted for."

Becker smirked. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, Becker, I'm sure. Behave or your punishment is house arrest."

"You wouldn't," said Becker.

"Yes, I would. No anomalies, no firing range, no sparring, nothing but reading and telly. So be good," warned Matt.

"You don't have to be cruel," said Becker.

Jess giggled. "Yes, he does. You haven't' seen my outfit."

Becker looked at her. "If men end up in medical it's on your shoulders."

"That's right Parker," said Lester. "I'm quite prepared to throw a tablecloth over you in the middle of your Sodom and Gomorrah dance if necessary. Anything to protect my people."

"You're a good man, Lester," said Matt, dryly.

Lester nodded.

"It's not that bad, I promise," said Jess. Lester looked relieved. Becker did not.

They finished their entrees, Lester eating every piece of leftover Lobster he could find. Jess was a one-woman army, devouring chocolate desserts.

Becker preferred crepes without chocolate while Emily enjoyed everything.

"Is it just me, or are we drinking more booze and not getting as drunk?" asked Matt.

"I think you're right. I don't even feel buzzed," said Becker.

"French cuisine goes hand in hand with the wine," said Bernie, scooping fresh ice cream onto Becker's crepes. "In fact, wine is seen as a beverage, like water and not as a cocktail. The French allow the wine to enhance the meal, and therefore, drink it in moderation. To be intoxicated at a meal is considered very wrong."

"Really? Wow," said Connor.

"I like these French," said Lester. "They must have an excellent work ethic."

"They do, and they know how to enjoy their meals," said Bernie.

Jess sighed happily. "I'm full."

"Really?" asked Becker. "You only had like...ten servings...of each chocolate dish."

Jess smiled, leaning against her chair. "Sh...don't bother me. I'm content," she said dreamily.

Becker laughed, and kissed her cheek. "I'm happy for you."

"Connor, do you have your remote to the stereo I asked you to bring?"

Connor pulled it from his shirt.

"Hit play," she said, sagging into her chair.

Connor obeyed, and "Belleville Rendezvous," from the movie the Triplets of Belleville played. After that Maurice Chevalier's "Thank Heaven For Little Girls" from Gigi played. Also from Gigi, "The Night they Invented Champagne," played to Lester's absolute joy.

Then a quieter, slower song, "La Vie en Rose," played causing couples to snuggle. It was the ultimate love song, completely in French.

"I found so many versions on the internet," said Jess quietly. "No one sings it like Edith Piaf."

"Is this her singing?" asked Abby, held tightly in Connor's arms.

Jess nodded. She sighed, and snuggled deeper into Becker's chest. He smiled and kissed her head.

"I have no idea what she's singing, but it doesn't seem to matter," whispered Connor.

Abby smiled.

Matt smiled too, taking Emily's hand and kissing it. She moved slightly in his embrace and kissed his cheek.

"Good grief," said Lester. "I'm leaving. My wife isn't here, and I need more champagne."

He retreated to the kitchen, but on the way, turned to see the three couples at the table. He smiled despite himself.

After more music, most songs in French, Jess painfully pulled herself from Becker, but not before kissing him tenderly.

Becker and the others helped clear the tables and move them Then they eagerly waited for the Can-Can.

"Remember, Becker, don't hurt anyone," said Matt, sitting beside him. He began to worry about being so close to a raging boyfriend. "In fact, Emily, trade places with me."

Emily laughed, and sat next to Becker. "I will be upset if _you _do not behave," she said to Matt, causing Becker to smirk.

"Don't drool over my woman Anderson."

"Wouldn't dare. Maybe I should move to the back. I'll be good, I promise Emily. He's just so irrational, sometimes."

Emily frowned. "I am capable of becoming irrational as well."

Becker laughed. "Keep talking, Matt. You dig yourself in further."

"Connor, just pick a seat!" cried Abby.

"I'm trying. I want a good seat. Who knows if I'll ever see a can-can, again, Abs."

"Keep acting so excited and I can guarantee you won't," said Abby.

"You guys are doing great. I don't even have to get mad," said Becker. "You're getting yourselves in trouble," he joked.

Connor and Matt tried to placate their girlfriends. It wasn't working.

"Ladies and Gentleman," said Lester, "Since every Canteen Theme Night needs a little debauchery, the ARC proudly presents the infamous Can-Can."

The crowd cheered.

When the dancers ran out Connor looked confused. "Hold on, their skirts are long."

They were. Each dancer wore a bright red and black corset top and matching red, ruffled skirt, that was very big and easy to wave around. Underneath were several white petticoats. Black stockings were clearly seen beneath the skirt.

The dancers didn't only dance. They cartwheeled, high kicked, and did a move where they danced on one leg as they held the other by the ankle, almost straight up. Another move was holding the leg knee- high and moving the lower portion quickly as they held their skirts up. They also performed splits on the ground and in the air.

The song was the "Ta-ra-ra-Boom-de-ay," often heard with the can-can dance.

"Where is Jess?" asked Emily.

Becker shook his head.

The dancers continued to move around the little stage-like area. Then another dancer, in a much, much, much shorter skirt came out. She wore a pink and red corset top with a pink skirt. She had white petticoats, of the same short length under her skirt. Of course, she had the black stockings.

She smiled and waved.

Becker cheered for his lovely, scantily-clad girlfriend. He was fine with her attire, mostly, she was covered, it was just...miniscule.

Jess bounced around, she did low kicks, and moved her tiny skirt the little amount that she could. One of the other dancers picked her up, and Jess gave a little kick, pointing her feet in the air. The dancers paired in twos, holding hands and twirling their partners around.

Then the dancers, all except Jess and one other dancer, bent down, forming different heights of a staircase. Jess stepped along their backs, helped by the other dancer. She then jumped off the last one.

"Yay! Jess!" cried Becker.

"Whoo!" screamed Abby.

"Don't fall!" cried Connor.

The dancers, including Jess, then did a little chorus line kick. They then turned around and performed the most anticipated move.

They flung their skirts over their heads, or in Jess' case, a little higher over her bum. They revealed little hearts on their underwear.

"Yay!" screamed Connor. "That's the can-can!"

Becker smiled, and cheered, and scanned the audience for ungentlemanly behavior. To the ARC's welfare, there was none.

The dancers then fell down into splits, all but Jess, who stood in the middle, holding her arms up into the air.

"Yay," screamed the audience, standing up to applaud.

"Jess!" screamed the team.

"Here, here," called Lester.

The dancers then bowed, and picking up the rhythm again, danced off stage, flouncing their skirts.

Jess ran into Becker's arms.

"Well?"

"Brilliant," he said, "and very sexy," he added with a growl.

She giggled. "I took some liberties with my costume. The dancers didn't mind, though. Aren't they incredible?"

"They are," said Abby. "Looks like the single men agree."

Jess looked to see every dancer surrounded with three to five guys.

She laughed. "Well, the can-can will do that."

Becker growled again, making Jess blush and giggle.

"Very interesting," said Emily. "I liked it very much, but it is very bold."

"Had you never heard of it? I though it came from your era?" asked Jess, still catching her breath from dancing.

"Perhaps it became popular after I left."

"Perhaps, but I'm glad you liked it, anyway."

"I did."

Becker smiled. "So did I," he said, pulling Jess into a kiss.

"I should change," she said.

"Don't hurry on my account," said Becker.

"Aren't you jealous of other men?" she asked, a little offended.

"Baby, no one's getting that close to you."

She smiled.

"Ugh, I need some air. It's too couple-y in here," said Lester.

The other couples were holding on to each other, although Abby was actually trying to dissuade Connor from trying the high kicks.

Becker leaned down and whispered in Jess' ear. "When can we go home? I don't want the oysters and chocolate to wear off."

Jess giggled. "Why don't we sneak away now?"

As if he had a sixth sense, Bernie walked over to bid them goodnight.

"So far, France is proving to be the most behaved of the theme nights," he said.

"Love will do that to you," said Becker.

Jess awed, and rewarded him with a kiss.

"Goodnight," they said.

"Bon Soir," said Bernie.

Suddenly, Jess rushed back in, and darted over to Lt. Flowers. Becker stood with Bernie at the canteen entrance watching the pantomime. Jess pointed heatedly to all the mannequins, and Flowers calmly nodded and smiled.

Jess then walked back to Becker. "Let's go sweetie," she said. "Flowers promises to take care of my outfits."

Becker laughed. "I hope he does. I'd hate to lose my best lieutenant."

"Au Revoir, Bernie," said Jess.

"What did you say to him?" asked Becker, as they walked out of the canteen."

"I have no idea," said Jess.

The End


End file.
